Lessons From the Past

Over the last one year, particularly the last few months I have learnt some very important lessons in life.

One of the most important lesson has been that preconceived notions and prejudice are the worst enemies of mental peace and happiness. Such notions have long prevented me from interacting effectively with quite a lot of people, and probably in the process I have lost out on some very valuable friends. First impressions are often formed under unpredictable situations. To let those first impressions cloud future judgement is incredibly foolish. It has taken me some time to realize this, but it is remarkable how much a small change in your own attitude is reflected in the way other people behave with you. Fortunately my realization though late has not caused any irrepairable damage. I have been able to reach out to many whom I had unknowingly alienated, and established a lasting relationship that I now cherish. Now that I think about all those misconceptions that clouded my relations, I can only feel bemused that I ever let them affect my happiness.

An amusing discovery, which is probably related to my previous realization is that I seriously disklike being ignored. It is quite natural, I believe to desire attention, and I have kept suppressing that emotion for quite some time. However for a long time I was in denial and deluded myself, that I was too shy, and I should keep a low profile, and it was fine if people do not take notice. But deep inside I now realize I never really forgave those people who ever came close to ignoring me. But on quite reflection I sometime do wonder if there was some lack of initiave from my side too. I do know I can be very exciting, pleasing and passionate if I want too, but I can also cold shoulder people and ignore them if I feel slighted by them. What bothers me is that I may have mistaken people's diffidence for indifference and decided against them, or not given them enough time to prove my first theories wrong. A reapeated chain of such misunderstandings caused a vicious cycle from which I found it very difficult to extricate myself.

Another interesting discovery I have made about myself is that I enjoy talking with people and listening to them. Till late I was quite proud of the fact that I liked my own company particularly well. I still value my privacy and space, but I have come to realize that I am not exactly the loner, I used to once project myself as. In fact I had subconciously created quite an image of an ice maiden - quiet, aloof, highbrow, snobbish, which cannot be more contrary to my real self. In fact now I find that I really talk a prodigious lot, quite to the chagrin of people all around me. :) Much more gratifying is the fact that my friends find it easy to unburden themselves when they talk to me. To many conversation is pretty much an idle gossip, however I have come to realize it has a great therauptic value, both for the speaker and the listener. It helps you release a lot of pent up negative energies that hamper your thought process.


Lastly I have realized that parents and family are the most gift that anyone can ever ask for. I have always been incredibly close to my family, but now that I am so far away from them , across the continents and the seven seas, I feel their presence close to my heart, in my every breath, and I know I will never be alone .


Keep the faith.. :)

The Failed Relationship..................................

Human relationships are known to be intricate and inexplicable. Sometimes they baffle us by the pain they cause, and also by the immense joy they have the power to deliver.
What is it that some realtionships work so successfully, whereas others are doomed to failure from the start. Sometimes the very premise of the relationship is flawed, the foundations are weak, there is mistrust and only rancour among the people who participate in the relationship. Sometimes it is too late to go back and repair what really went wrong. Most realtions don't even get a chance to survive. Incomaptible relationships are the cause of enormous pain and trauma to either side. It is not the fault of either party. It is just that there are such irreconciliable differences among the participating parties that things cannot just go right. Emotional baggages that we carry into relationships often cause them to sour. We often start out with serious prejudices or mental blocks that prevent us from devoting all our heart and soul to ensuring the success of the relationship. Every word, every move, every gesture can work towards creating a chasm between two people, who start out without really understanding each other. It is indeed stressful at times to maintain a semblance / pretense of normalcy. Pressures of life further add to deepening the misunderstanding already brewing. I don't know how right it is to try to hold on to such fragile bondings, since you know eventually the thread is too tenuous to hold out against the mental storms that are brewing. I don't even know if it is really right to apportion blame to anyone for a failed relationship. What I certainly do know is that the hurt is immense. There can be nothing more painful that watching a relationship crumble to pieces before your very eyes, perhaps an added misery is the fact that your indifference and casual behaviour at some earlier point of time may have contributed to the slow decripitude of something that could very well have been a beautiful interaction. There is nothing more pathetic than attempting to revive a dead relationship. Humiliation and heartache are in store for anyone who even tries. Carrying the cross of a dead relationship is bad enough, but trying to make it work is living hell and the worst form of torture you can inflict upon yourself. Yet sometimes you really want to put yourself through that, because you wish so desperately for it to succeed. You realize that the start was terrible, it got only worse but you still have some fond memories which you wish to cherish. For those very moments you try to carry on till you can take no more. Whether it is right or wrong is debatable but my heart tells me that I would still go on as long as I could if I had even an iota of hope of being able to make the relationship work, no matter how painful it is, and no matter how long it takes. If only I could mend what went wrong I would surely do it .........